Donations from Ko-Fi were used to purchase “Novel Wishes”, you can check it at the links below including Ko-Fi and Discord links.

▣ KO-FI ▣ DISCORD ▣

▣ NOVEL WISHES ▣

Chapter 5: Even a Mentalist Can’t Understand Some Feelings

At the central exit of Miyano Station. Coming here always reminds me of that day. The day Hikaru and I had a heart-to-heart.

Our relationship with Hikaru changed after that day.

Of course, for the better.

I had not apologized for the time we parted ways, and that had always bothered me. It was thanks to Enji that this burden was lifted.

So, to repay him, I am here now.

I decided to call Kaede, who Enji probably liked, to the same place, at the same time, on the same day. It was Enji’s method, but it seemed the quickest way.

After all, they like each other, so meeting should be enough.

Foolishly, I thought it was that simple.

From the other side of the ticket gate, I saw Kaede approach, notice Enji, and stop.

I was watching from a distance.

Enji must have noticed Kaede within seconds. His expression changed completely.

“Icchy?”

“Kaede…chan?”

Even from a distance, I could see Enji’s agitation. What it meant, I couldn’t tell.

Kaede, on the other hand, glanced at me briefly from afar, her expression more strained than usual.

She seemed tense about the meeting, despite her request.

“So, this is Shou-chan’s doing…”

Enji looked around, his gaze finally finding me.

His expression was different from the one he showed that day by the shrine’s side path. This time, it was genuine anger.

“What are you thinking?”

“Why are you angry?”

“I don’t know how you found out about Kaede, but don’t meddle in things.”

“What? I was thinking of you…”

“I’m telling you it’s none of your business…!!”

The anger in his voice made me forget the usual Enji.

I just wanted to do what Enji truly wished for.

Because we are… friends.

“I’m not dwelling on it like you, I’m satisfied with now…!!”

“But we are… for Enji’s sake…”

“Leave me alone. It’s none of your business.”

I had nothing to say.

Enji crossed paths with Kaede, who had just come through the gate, and left.

I couldn’t follow him.

“Are you okay?”

Kaede put her hand on my shoulder.

“Sorry, it’s my fault for bringing you two together…”

I was a fool.

I thought I could fix everything, just because I was Enji’s friend. Without knowing the real situation, I acted on assumptions.

Enji calling me “you” made me feel the distance in his heart.

Usually, he would come to me wagging his tail like a dog, calling me Shou-chan. I thought it was annoying, but now…

“Icchy was angry, but…”

“…”

“I’m glad I got to see him after such a long time. Sorry, it was my idea to meet…”

Even with her reassurance, the outcome was the worst.

Because of me, their relationship changed for the worse.

And so did my relationship with Enji.

Honestly, I don’t know how to face Enji tomorrow.

“Sorry, Kaede.”

With that, I began to walk away.

I had no particular destination; I just wanted to escape from my guilt and from Kaede.

Kaede said something with concern in her voice, but I didn’t catch it.

I just wanted to flee, to escape from there.

I just wanted to repay what I had received. Not out of obligation.

Because we’re friends.

Because we’re friends, I wanted to be useful to Enji.

Because we’re friends, I wanted Enji to be happy.

Because we’re friends, I wanted to solve Enji’s troubles.

But it was all unnecessary. Enji didn’t want that, and I ended up making him suffer needlessly.

This wasn’t what friends do.

Even in high school, until I got close to Hikaru, I didn’t have friends. I didn’t even try to make any.

Without Hikaru, I might have always been alone.

But then, I finally had someone I could call a friend.

It started when Enji joined the part-time job I was doing.

On his first day, he was already friendly with the other staff and even approached me.

At first, his high energy and closeness were annoying.

Because we share the same way home, he always follows me, and even at university, he comes over during lunch break to eat together. Because Enji was always there, I was never alone.

But now…

“Hey Shou, what are you doing?”

I looked up in response to the voice that came from ahead. I hadn’t noticed anyone because I’d been walking with my head down, lost in thought.

“…Hikaru.”

“I was thinking, ‘There’s a guy with such a gloomy face, his luck must be plummeting’… and it turns out to be Shou. Surprised me.”

“Haha… sorry.”

“…Something wrong?”

Why did I feel like crying just looking at Hikaru’s face? His usual sarcastic remarks somehow felt comforting.

At the crossroads in front of Sannomiya Station. I can’t cry in such a public place. Besides, crying after a fight with a friend, what am I, a child?

“Nothing, just nothing.”

“If nothing’s wrong, you should look more cheerful. I was worried, you know.”

Worried, huh.

Thinking back, our relationship has changed quite a bit since we reconnected. When we first met again, he seemed like he was going to say something like, ‘Go sulk and ascend to heaven’, but now he wouldn’t say something that harsh.

It’s only been two months, but our relationship has improved so much, thanks to Enji.

“No, I’m sorry. I’ll try to look more cheerful next time.”

“Don’t be so obedient, it throws me off.”

“What should I do then…”

Hikaru wasn’t as dressed up as he was during the flower-viewing, just in black skinny jeans and a white regular-collar shirt tucked in, with a tote bag over his shoulder.

“Hikaru, why are you here?”

“Just finished my shift. At that Starbucks, remember? I told you, at Connect.”

“Oh, right. We talked about it. With Akari-san.”

“I’m flattered you remember. Kakeru-san.”

Hikaru joked, and his mood was just what I needed right now. It lightened me up a bit.

“Where are you headed, Shou?”

“Nowhere, just… wandering around.”

“I see.”

I didn’t come here with a specific place in mind.

I planned to go straight home after successfully setting up a meeting between Enji and Kaede.

But it didn’t go well, so I just ran away.

Kaede might still be at the station. I don’t want to see her. It would only increase my guilt.

Even now, being away from there, I feel it unbearably.

I’m so weak-hearted.

“The light’s turned green. Come on, let’s go.”

“…Where to?”

“You’re free, right? I want to go somewhere, so you’re coming with me.”

Hikaru started walking without waiting for my answer, striding ahead, so I had no choice but to follow.

“Hey, where are we going?”

“Well, first lunch. I’m starving after working since morning.”

“You’re always hungry even after eating, aren’t you?”

“Maybe I should become a big-eating celebrity? I think I’m pretty cute, could become popular, right?”

“Don’t say that about yourself.”

We headed to our usual cafe without needing to discuss it.

The cafe like a forest.

It’s where we got the icon for our Connect, the omelette rice.

The menu also offers pasta and sandwiches, but as usual, we both…

“‘Omelette rice, please.'”

Our compatibility of ninety-eight percent isn’t for nothing.

“We’re not harmonizing,” “We’re not.”

We glare at each other.

Annoying, but somehow reassuring.

I’m glad I met Hikaru today. If I hadn’t, I wonder how I would be now.

I might have taken a huge mental hit.

“After eating the omelette rice, we’ll go to the next place.”

He took a bite of his omelette rice, chewing with a “Hmm!” as if it was his first time eating it. How many times have you eaten this omelette rice already?

“Next? Where to?”

I took a bite too.

“It’s delicious.”

“You’re reacting like it’s your first time eating that omelette rice, but how many times have you had it?”

Don’t mimic my thoughts.

“I’ve had it more times than Hikaru, maybe around twenty. So, where are we going?”

“Then I’m at twenty-one. It’s a secret.”

“No, I’m actually at twenty-two. Come on, don’t be so secretive.”

“Ah, I forgot, I’m at twenty-three. Anywhere is fine, you’re free anyway.”

“Make that twenty-four for me. Don’t just assume I’m free.”

“What’s with the ‘make that’? Don’t compete with me; it’s childish.”

“You started it, Hikaru. Who’s the child now?”

We glare at each other again.

“We’re so annoying!”

Why do we always end up fighting whenever we meet? But right now, this bickering is supporting me.

If I were alone, I would have been drowning in self-loathing.

While talking to Hikaru, I can avoid thinking too deeply about what happened earlier. I know it’s better to think deeply, but for now, I just wanted some time to calm down.

“Alright, we’re done eating, let’s go.”

“Wait, I’m not done yet.”

“You’re slow. Aren’t you a man?”

“Don’t compare me to Hikaru. I’m not slow; you just eat too fast. Do you even chew?”

“How rude. Omelette rice is a drink.”

“It’s curry that’s a drink. That’s just weird…”

“It’s a joke, of course! I do chew!”

“Keep it down, will you? You’re bothering the other customers, what are you, a child?”

“So annoying…!!”

“Heh.”

I tease her with a smirk, and she puffs her cheeks in frustration. That expression is unexpectedly cute, so in reality, I’m the one who loses…

After finishing the omelette rice, we head to the next destination.

The next place is about five minutes’ walk from the cafe, a place we used to go to often after school when we were dating. Round Two.

Inside Round Two, there are darts, billiards, bowling, a game center, karaoke, and more.

“It’s been a while since I did karaoke! What should I sing?”

Among the many options, Hikaru chooses karaoke.

“Why karaoke?”

“What, you have a problem with that? I haven’t been here recently and wanted to come.”

“It’s not a problem, but couldn’t you come alone? I thought you were going to take me somewhere where a man’s help was needed and make me work…”

“I’m not like Shou, coming to karaoke alone. Karaoke is something you do with someone. But unfortunately, today, you’re all I have.”

“That’s annoying in so many ways.”

Hikaru sings three songs in a row from her favorite band, then finally hands me the microphone.

Hikaru has been good at singing since high school, and that hasn’t changed.

I think I’m not good at singing, but I enjoy it and often come to karaoke.

Alone.

I’ve been invited by Enji several times but always refused, fearing he’d laugh at me saying, “Shou-chan, you’re bad at this,” so I practiced secretly alone. But maybe there’s no need to practice anymore.

“Aren’t you going to choose a song? If not, I’ll choose for you.”

She snatches the remote control back and starts picking a song with a grin. I have a bad feeling about this.

“Don’t choose something weird.”

“Leave it to me.”

The song Hikaru chooses is a recent hit, the opening of a popular anime with a rousing chorus. I’m relieved it’s a normal song.

“Hikaru, you watch this anime?”

“Of course. Everyone watches it. You’re not human if you haven’t seen it.”

“I’ve seen it, so I’m human. That jab, I can let it slide because I’m the eldest son. If I were the second son, I couldn’t forgive you.”

“You’re an only child.”

I sing with all my heart, though I’m not great. Hikaru sways to the rhythm and sings along.

Hikaru often mocks me but never says anything that truly hurts me. That’s my memory… probably.

Her teasing is her way of showing care, I guess. She never called me tone-deaf, understanding that I’m self-conscious about it… probably.

Hikaru wouldn’t tease about something the other person truly hates… probably.

Hikaru knows me well. After all, she’s my ex-girlfriend of over three years.

“Shall we order some fries?”

“We just had omelette rice.”

“Teacher, do fries count as a separate stomach?”

“They don’t. That’s a potato.”

“Eh? When fried, calories disappear with heat? So it’s healthy, and I can eat as much as I want! Great!”

“She’s not listening…”

We spent two hours with such banter.

By the time we left the room, my throat was a bit sore from shouting too much.

“Alright, let’s go to the next place!”

“There’s more?”

The next destination was a bowling alley in the same building.

“Why bowling?”

“It’s nice, isn’t it? I’ve wanted to play for a while. The loser buys the juice.”

“Okay, okay.”

After registering at the counter and borrowing bowling shoes:

“Hey, did your feet get bigger? Weren’t they 27.5 cm before?”

“Yeah, they’re now 28 cm. And you didn’t mention last time we met that I’ve also grown taller.”

“Oh, now that you mention it, I guess I’ve grown a bit… How much? I was 176 cm before, right?”

“Now I’m 177 cm. Grew by one centimeter.”

“That’s just a tiny difference, don’t brag about it.”

“Gaining a centimeter after high school graduation is a big deal!”

“Whatever, let’s go.”

I won at bowling.

An irritated Hikaru challenged me to a game of billiards next, but I won that too.

“So annoying!”

After some loud complaints, we competed in several games at the game center, all of which I won.

“I was just going easy today…”

“Yeah, yeah, sore loser.”

“So irritating…”

Hikaru, puffing her cheeks, put money into the vending machine, then stepped back and pointed arrogantly with her thumb.

“My treat.”

“Next time I won’t lose.”

“So, is that all? It’s already evening.”

“Just one more thing. After that, we’re done.”

Hikaru led me to the train.

We arrived at Kobe Station, the seaside town I once visited with Kokoro.

“You wanted to go on a boat?”

In the port town of Kobe, there were several sightseeing boats.

There were Western-style boats, Japanese-style boats, and even ones that looked like they came from a period drama.

We boarded one of them, the Western-style ‘Royal Princess.’

“Look, I timed it for sunset. It’s not even 2000 yen, and I’ve always wanted to try it.”

“It’s beautiful.”

The setting sun was casting an orange glow over the sea. Despite living in Kobe, this was my first time on a sightseeing boat.

“Don’t you feel small when you look at the sea?”

“…? Yeah, I guess.”

Hikaru leaned over the railing, shouting and laughing.

“Shou, you should try shouting too. It might feel good.”

Watching Hikaru laugh so freely made me feel happy too.

The sea is vast. My worries seem so insignificant in comparison.

“Nah, I’m good. You’re attracting enough attention shouting like that, it’s embarrassing.”

“Hey, don’t make it sound like I’m a child.”

“You’re not wrong.”

“Hey! …Ahahaha.”

How does she always understand?

“Thank you, Hikaru.”

For knowing that I’m troubled.

“Hmm? I just took you where I wanted to go.”

That Hikaru was looking out for me.

“Remember when you told me you were seriously worried about something?”

“…?”

“When you were embarrassed because your grandpa would come to the entrance every morning to say goodbye.”

“Oh yeah, that did happen.”

“Shou’s grandpa is really funny. I want to meet him again.”

“Well, come over then. Grandpa would be happy.”

“Maybe I will. It’s been a while, and I’m a bit nervous.”

“…Okay.”

Hikaru turned to face me, then sat on the bench, tapping the space next to her.

I silently followed suit.

“You’re troubled by something, aren’t you?”

“…How did you know?”

“I can tell. How long do you think I’ve been your girlfriend?”

Stop it, don’t be kind when I’m weak.

Since we reunited, she hadn’t spoken to me in such a gentle voice. Please, not now.

“Shou is quite obvious. Even if I wasn’t your ex-girlfriend, I’d probably know. Though I’m not sure.”

“You don’t know? …Hah.”

“Well, I’m here to listen, and if there’s anything I can do, I’ll help. …But it won’t be for free.”

“You’re charging me?”

“Stupid, it’s about consideration. If I did something for nothing, you’d suspect there was an ulterior motive, right?”

“I wouldn’t suspect. I know you’re kind.”

That’s right. It’s always been like that.

When I was down, she was the first to notice and stood by my side. She was there, listening to me.

“Stop, you’re making me blush…”

“What’s with that way of speaking?”

“Ugh, shut up!”

She averted her face while delivering a playful punch to my shoulder. Kind of hurts, though?

“Did something happen with Kokoro-chan?”

“No, it’s not about Kokoro-san.”

“Then it must be Enji-kun.”

“Can we not assume I only have two friends?”

“Wait, isn’t that true?”

“Well… yeah, but we had a fight.”

“See, I knew it.”

“Annoying…”

She’s an ex-girlfriend with good intuition. Or rather, she knows everything due to our long association.

“Shou, you’ve always preferred being alone, haven’t you?”

“Yeah, that’s true…”

Being alone never felt painful to me, and it’s not like I’m depressed about being alone now.

“Being friends with someone like Enji-kun was surprising.”

“I thought I wouldn’t get along with his type too.”

“Right?”

“But being with him is fun. Annoying at times, but I can’t go back to how things were before. It’s like… yeah.”

“Painful?”

“…Well, something like that.”

“Why are you embarrassed? Just say it, he’s not here.”

Hikaru sees right through me.

I regretted so many things after breaking up with her.

It started with small misunderstandings, and in the end, I said some awful things I shouldn’t have.

I regretted saying them and not apologizing right away.

So, I decided not to live with regrets anymore, to act according to my beliefs.

But look where that got me.

I don’t want to lose important relationships and live with regret again, like I did with Hikaru.

Still, there are things I can’t compromise on.

“He told me it was none of my business.”

“…?”

“I was trying to help Enji, but he saw it as a nuisance. He said to leave him alone, that it was none of my business. Maybe I did annoy him, but…”

Still, that one thing he said, I can’t accept it.

“—We’re friends. It’s not ‘none of my business.'”

Hikaru, sitting beside me, says nothing.

As I speak, as if to myself, I gaze at the sea ahead.

“I don’t have many friends, so I might not get it, but it’s weird, right? Friends don’t say they’re ‘not related’ to each other.”

“…That’s true.”

“Ah! Now I’m getting angry! I’ll make him apologize! Then I’ll apologize too! That should fix everything!”

“…Pfft!”

As I stood up, fists clenched, Hikaru next to me couldn’t hold back her laughter.

“What’s so funny?”

“Just thinking why Shou is angry and… Ahahaha!”

“What’s so funny about that? You don’t have to laugh so hard…”

“Shou, you’ve never had a fight with a friend, right?”

Wiping the tears from the corners of her eyes with her finger, Hikaru still struggles to suppress her laughter.

True, I’ve never really had fights like this with anyone.

My only quarrels were with my grandpa, mom, or Hikaru.

I wasn’t close enough with classmates to fight.

Passing them in the street, I wouldn’t initiate conversation, and if they spoke to me, I’d feel awkward.

What do you even talk about after so long?

I’ve never been close enough with a friend to fight.

“Ah, this is my first real fight. Though it ended with me being unilaterally angry.”

“So, you don’t know what to do after a fight?”

“Don’t make fun of me. I know that much.”

After saying that, I deeply regretted it.

After a fight, you have to apologize.

It might be something even a child knows, but it was Hikaru, now talking to me, who taught me that.

Hikaru, perhaps sensing she’s involved, looks around awkwardly. And I, to escape the awkwardness, gaze meaninglessly at the sky.

Awkward.

“Well, if you understand that… Enji-kun isn’t stubborn, right? You can make up.”

“Yeah, maybe. But no, it won’t work.”

“…? What won’t?”

I want to be on equal footing with Enji. Of course, I know I should be the one to apologize.

But if what he said was his true feeling…

I can’t help but see my past self in Enji. It’s not a misunderstanding. I understand because I’ve been there.

I’ve left big regrets in a past relationship, just like him.

And because I’m Enji’s friend.

Because I’m his friend, I understand.

“First, I’ll investigate Enji and Kaede-san’s relationship!”

“Who’s Kaede-san?”

“That’s right! I’m unexpectedly clumsy with other people’s love lives, so Hikaru, help me out.”

“Wait, don’t get carried away on your own.”

“Ah, so troublesome. We’ve been together long enough; you know what I’m thinking, right?”

“Geez, you…”

“Anyway, let’s enjoy this sightseeing boat we’re on, and then decide!”

“Explain!”

“Ouch!”

If you look at the flow of things, it’s the same as always.

I do something unnecessary for Enji.

And he might find it annoying. But I’ll do it.

This time, however, I’ll be more careful.

“Hikaru, there’s something I need your help with.”

“Seriously… first explain. I’ll help unless it’s something too much.”

“Thank you.”

I won’t let him say it’s a nuisance.

I won’t let him say it’s none of my business.

What Enji has to say to me is just ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry.’

And I have things to say to Enji too. ‘Sorry,’ and then, ‘See, I was right after all.’

I have a bad personality.

But I’ll make him say it, and I’ll say it too.

“So, what are you planning to do?”

Let’s have our first fight, Enji.

“—Meddling!”