▣ KO-FI ▣ DISCORD ▣
Volume 1, Chapter 7: Unstoppable Emotions, Overflowing Longing
It’s been a bit over two weeks since I started living in the shared house. My relationship with the other residents has deepened gradually. We sit down and talk things out when there are disagreements and enjoy leisure time together when we’re free.
While these happy days continue, there’s a bothersome issue that troubles me deeply.
“I’m feeling a bit hungry. I’m going to go out and buy something to eat… Do you want anything?”
That’s Mafuyu, who lately has been coming to my room quite often. Her closeness to me has become uncomfortably frequent.
“I don’t particularly want to buy anything.”
“Okay then. I’ll be heading out.”
“Alright, be careful.”
“It’s late, and since you’re worried, how about going with me… No, never mind. I’ll go by myself.”
Mafuyu seemed like she wanted me to accompany her, but then quickly retracted her words and hurried off.
“She’s been meddling too much.”
I lay back on my bed.
Mafuyu approaches me only after she sees me getting along well with someone else.
It’s clear to anyone that she’s acting out of jealousy. Although she thinks she’s been cleverly hiding it, it’s quite obvious.
“She used to be so honest…”
Whenever I appear close to someone, Mafuyu will surely come closer to me.
It’s unbearably cute.
“Just being happy that Mafuyu comes closer to me like this, I must be a fool.”
We’re already broken up. The fact that my ex-girlfriend still gets jealous and comes closer to me makes me incredibly happy.
I know it’s wrong, but I’m overjoyed.
If I get swallowed by these feelings and start over, we’ll surely make the same mistakes again.
Yet, I still want to start over with her.
So, I’ve decided what I need to do now.
“I’ll find a way to make this relationship work.”
Ever since Koharu-chan gave me a push, I’ve been troubled, pondering over this…
◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇
As my longing for Mafuyu continues to grow, our daily life goes on.
After finishing my part-time job, I returned home and put the bag I was carrying on the table. As soon as I set it down, Koharu, dressed in her pajamas, began rummaging through it.
“What’s in the bag~?”
“It’s dinner. Don’t snoop around other people’s stuff like that.”
“Any snacks?”
“No.”
“Eh~, I was looking forward to it. Hey~ Ryuga-san.”
“Haha, can’t help it then. I guess I’ll open up the snack I bought.”
Ryuga-san, lounging in his tracksuit, got up from in front of the TV and went to the kitchen. He took a plastic bag with his name on it from beside the fridge, took out a snack, and returned to the living room.
“Here. That should be enough, right?”
“Ah, Ryuga-san. Thanks for the snack. I’ll dig in!”
I watched their interaction, about to eat my convenience store dinner at the dining table. Just then, Koharu turned to me and spoke.
“How about eating in the living room? I made space for you.”
Although the dining table is in the kitchen, eating in the living room is also an option.
Since she made space for me, I might as well.
“Then, I’ll eat there.”
“Got it. Heave-ho.”
Koharu, who had been lounging on the soft carpet, sat up to make space for me to sit.
“Heave-ho.”
I sat down right on the carpet under the table. I could still feel Koharu’s warmth on the carpet.
The carpet was so soft that it didn’t hurt to sit without a cushion.
“Yuji-san, your dinner looks delicious. Let me have a bite.”
“Only one bite.”
I passed a piece of fried chicken from my convenience store meal to Koharu.
Crunch. Koharu bit into it without hesitation.
She took a big bite after being told she could have only one. You’re something else.
“Fried stuff tastes best at this time. It feels so sinful!”
“Speaking of which, Koharu-chan used to be so different… She never used to take big bites of someone else’s chicken like that…”
“People change, you know~. Or is it that Yuji-san found me cuter before?”
There were cute aspects to the old Koharu-chan.
She used to skulk behind me, quickly walking. Whenever something made her happy, she would carefully report it to me, which was incredibly cute.
I know her current cuteness is no less than before.
But if I tell her she’s cute now and was cute before, she’ll become too full of herself, so I playfully responded.
“Although you’re cute now, you were a bit cuter before.”
“Say such mean things, and I might sneak into your room and play a prank, you know?”
“Then you’ll make your sister angry again.”
“… Yeah, better not. No sneaking into rooms to scare people.”
Koharu must have been lectured by Hiyori-san after sneaking into my room before.
“Alright, let’s not make noise. The TV show is at a good part. Don’t want to make Ryuga-san angry, do we?”
“Okay~.”
The TV drama was at a critical scene. Ryuga-san was watching intently. I continued eating my dinner. Koharu played with her phone, occasionally stealing a bite or two from my meal.
We each spent time in our own way in the living room, the communal space that belonged to everyone. It felt very much like a shared house.
“Koharu-chan and Ryuga-san often hang out in the living room.”
“Well, since we live in a shared house, I want to get along well with the residents.”
“I feel the same. It’s fun being with others.”
Just as they said, being with others is truly enjoyable.
But why did Mafuyu and I fail then…
“I think so too.”
Unnoticed, Hiyori-san appeared behind us, joining our conversation with a smile. Seeing Hiyori-san’s face, Koharu began nonchalantly tidying up the things on the table, preparing to leave.
Ah, I get it. She must have done something to anger Hiyori-san again.
“Well, Koharu, it’s time for your lecture. Don’t even think of escaping, come to my room, okay?”
“Yuji-senpai, save me~~. With our relationship, you won’t just stand by and do nothing, right?”
Koharu, grabbed by the nape of her neck, sought my rescue.
I suppose I should listen to her…
“What did you do this time?”
“I think it’s because I did poorly on a test.”
“You brought it upon yourself.”
“I did study, you know? It’s just that the test was too hard… Ah, sister, wait… don’t drag me like that…”
Koharu was dragged away into Hiyori-san’s room.
Remaining in the living room, Ryuga-san, still laughing, said to me:
“Koharu-chan is really amusing, isn’t she?”
“She’s a charming kid.”
“Yeah. Well, I’ve finished watching my TV show, so I’m off to my room. I have a project I must complete by tomorrow. Good night, Kaga-kun.”
“Good night, Asakura-senpai.”
After Asakura-senpai left the living room, I didn’t expect to hear his voice again that night.
However, contrary to my expectations, I immediately heard him again.
“Hm? Mafuyu-san, did you come downstairs for something?”
“I just got a little thirsty.”
“Ah, I see. Well then, good night.”
“Good night.”
After their conversation, Mafuyu’s figure appeared in the kitchen connected to the living room.
I thought she would just grab a drink from the fridge and return to her room, but instead, she came and sat next to me.
“You know, you seem to get along very well with everyone.”
“It’s average. Just average.”
“Is that so…”
“So, what’s up?”
“I just felt like talking a bit~, that’s all. After all, even though we broke up, Yuji doesn’t hate me, right?”
“Well, more or less.”
“You seem especially good with Koharu-chan. Have you taken a fancy to her?”
“Don’t start with such wild ideas.”
“Because, you were so cozy with her just now, it’s natural for me to be concerned… After all, I am your ex-girlfriend.”
“What are you going to do even if you ask that? It’s none of your business.”
“When the person you like is getting cozy with someone else, of course it hurts…”
“You… so boldly talking about liking someone… And for your information, Koharu and I are really not what you think. How many times do I have to say it?”
I was taken aback by Mafuyu’s straightforward mention of “liking someone,” but I responded.
“So, why don’t you tell me why you’re so cozy with her?”
“On the contrary, why are you so concerned about my business?”
Mafuyu swallowed nervously and in a tiny voice confessed.
“Because I like you, Yuji. Even though we broke up, I still like you.”
Before I knew it, there was no distance between me and Mafuyu, our shoulders touching.
Then, Mafuyu leaned in, resting her weight on my shoulder.
“Hey, don’t lean in.”
“I just want to be with someone right now. Can I borrow your shoulder?”
“You…”
“I’m sorry. But please, just let me stay like this for a bit…”
Mafuyu seemed so fragile as if she might crumble at a touch.
Unable to bring myself to push her away, I silently allowed her to lean on me.
“I still haven’t given you a return gift for helping me with my assignment. Have you decided what you want?”
“I haven’t thought about it. I don’t really know what to ask you to do.”
“I said I’d do anything… Don’t you want to?”
“Anything at all… really anything?”
I was just joking. I just wanted to break the awkward atmosphere.
But Mafuyu didn’t get angry; instead, she reached out to me.
“Wait, wait a second.”
“Why say it in such a roundabout way? Okay then. I, I don’t know why but I kind of want to… Is that okay?”
Mafuyu’s hand gently touched my body.
Thoughts of ‘this shouldn’t be happening’ flashed through my mind, but I couldn’t move her tender hand away.
If things continued like this…
Bang!
Just when we were about to cross that line, Hiyori-san’s room door suddenly opened.
Startled by the sound of the door, Mafuyu and I quickly separated from each other.
The person who opened the door approached us, pretending nothing was amiss.
“You two being together is quite rare! What were you talking about just now?”
Koharu-chan, who was supposed to be getting lectured by Hiyori-san, had somehow escaped.
Feeling uneasy, I tried to act naturally.
“Just some idle chat.”
“No, it’s true, that’s all. I should go back to my room. Good night!”
Mafuyu, in a hurry to conceal her embarrassment, deliberately strode back with her head held high.
“Ah, okay. Good night de~su.”
Mafuyu’s retreating figure seemed laden with the feeling of having done something she shouldn’t have. It looked like she was, just like me, tricked by Koharu.
“Could it be that you two were doing something you shouldn’t?”
“Nothing like that.”
“Eh~. Really?”
“By the way, what would Koharu do if Mafuyu and I really were in that kind of relationship?”
“If that were the case, well, I would want to overthrow it. Imagine, ‘We were so lovey-dovey today~’, ‘We went on a date today~’, wouldn’t you want to overturn hearing that!”
“Give me back the innocent Koharu from before.”
“Ahahaha. Too bad, that Koharu doesn’t exist anymore.”
“Alright, I should go to sleep too. Don’t stay up too late, Koharu. Children who sleep well grow up fast.”
“Really, always treating me like a child, that’s too much. Well then, good night.”
“Ah, good night.”
◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇
It’s past 2 am, in my own room.
I’ve been unable to sleep since Mafuyu’s recent encroachment. Thinking I might as well do something before sleeping, I decide to tackle a task.
Maybe I should sort out the box I put aside earlier, thinking it wouldn’t be needed for a while…
It’s summer now, time for short sleeves.
I remember my summer clothes are in that box I had put aside.
“Mafuyu lately has been really aggressive, hasn’t she?”
Her actions in the living room earlier persist in my mind.
Saying she likes me.
Even though she knows she shouldn’t say such things, she still did.
I decide to deal with the restlessness by going over to the box in the corner of my room.
“Ah, right, I still had these things…”
A box with manga, light novels, and game discs catches my interest.
I rarely revisit most of these works after reading or playing them once.
Since I threw away the shelf when I moved, even if I take these out of the box, there’s nowhere to put them.
So, they stayed in the box.
“Good thing I felt like sorting through this, or these would have been forgotten…”
Yes, the contents of the box are not all mine. Some belong to Mafuyu, left behind when she moved out of my room, deemed too troublesome to take with her.
Now that we’ve reunited in the shared house, if I don’t spend some time sorting and returning these things to her, it would be unfair.
“Which ones are mine?”
Mafuyu’s and my things are mixed together in the box.
The manga is in disarray. It’s hard to distinguish which ones are hers and which are mine. We often bought them on release dates, taking turns. Sometimes I bought the first volume, she bought the second, and I bought the third, and so on.
Since manga isn’t too expensive, it doesn’t matter much to leave it as it is.
But the games are different.
Games produced by that company, known for its playing cards, are commonly over 3000 yen nowadays. (Note: Nintendo started with playing cards)
Besides, there are several expensive games scattered in the box.
Like the games and manga, Mafuyu’s and my other items are also mixed. Due to our constant borrowing back and forth in high school, it’s hard to remember who bought what.
“Can’t help it. I have to call her to my room…”
Given the value of these items, their ownership can’t be taken lightly.
I’ll invite Mafuyu to my room to sort this out. She’s probably still awake anyway.
By the way… I’ll use this chance to playfully tease her a bit, to ease my own irritation from her recent closeness.
“Come to my room now. I have something very important to tell you.”
Ah, even I find this message devilishly mischievous.
In less than a minute, footsteps approach, and someone knocks on my door.
“Come in.”
I call to Mafuyu, who’s at the door.
The door creaks open, and Mafuyu steps into my room tentatively, trembling.
“What’s this important thing you have to say?”
“It’s something very important to us.”
“Hmm… hmm.”
“Go ahead, sit down. Tonight’s going to be a long one.”
Mafuyu, wearing a loose sweatshirt, sits on my bed as directed.
She sits tensely on the bed, looking like a fostered cat, clearly anxious about what she’s about to hear.
It’s your fault for getting so close earlier, making me so uncomfortable.
I continue to stay silent to see Mafuyu’s reaction…
“What is it already? Whatever you have to say, I’ll listen properly. Don’t be scared, tell me this important thing.”
“Well then, I’ll say it.”
“Hmm… hmm.”
“It’s about the games and other stuff you left in my room from before. I thought we should really sort out whose things are which.”
“Eh?!”
Probably because my words differed from what Mafuyu had anticipated, she couldn’t hide her turmoil.
Seeing her slightly anxious and adorable demeanor, I was tempted to tease her further.
“Hmm? Why are those eyes so wide? What did you think the important matter was?”
“Yuji, you idiot… When you say you have something important to tell me, of course, I would think you’ve finally decided to move out of the shared house, or you want me to move out, or maybe even… wanting to get back together!”
My desire to tease Mafuyu, finding her cute, lasted only a moment.
Seeing her tearfully angry, my impulse vanished completely.
I was undoubtedly at fault. No matter how much her closeness troubled me, playing such tricks to tease her was bound to anger her.
That was really low of me… I’m such a fool.
“Hey, Yuji, what do you want from me? You push me away, tease me. What do you really want? Tell me…”
“Sorry, let me apologize first. I went too far with the strange teasing. I’m really, really sorry.”
First of all, I had to apologize. But like she asked what I wanted to do, I wanted to ask her the same.
“What do you want to do exactly?”
“That, that is…”
“We’re just strangers living together in the shared house, that was our agreement, right?”
After I said that, Mafuyu fell silent.
I quietly waited for her to speak.
“…I know, it can’t be helped. But still, I can’t help but wonder if we really can’t get back together. What about you, Yuji?”
“I…”
We had agreed to hide our past relationship and get along reasonably well in the shared house, not to worry the other residents. This was not what I had hoped for.
It felt like an obligation not to trouble those around us if we didn’t do this.
The relationship I desired was far from this.
I had planned to organize these thoughts better before speaking.
But now, I couldn’t avoid it. I no longer intended to run away.
After much contemplation, it was time to voice the conclusion I had reached.
“If possible, I want to get back together with you.”
Maybe it would have been better not to say it. From this moment on, every word I say is just my selfishness.
But the emotions are unstoppable. I no longer want to hesitate and let time pass in uncertainty.
“I know it’s too convenient for me to think this way. I understand that it’s strange, considering it was me who misunderstood you were cheating and broke up, and now, knowing there was no cheating, I immediately want to get back together…”
“Yeah, it’s strange. Besides, even if there wasn’t a misunderstanding about cheating back then, we probably would have broken up sooner or later anyway.”
Mafuyu’s words stung me.
Cheating wasn’t the real reason for our breakup; it was merely the trigger.
The reason we broke up was simply that we both thought, “It’s better this way.”
Mafuyu and I still want to be a couple; I know she feels the same.
But the failure of the past shatters the heart to mend our relationship.
“As expected, we can’t go back to how we were.”
“Yeah… I understand. Sorry for making you talk about painful things.”
Mafuyu’s response was so faint, as if it would vanish with a breath. She looked resigned and stood up to leave my room.
“Our feelings for each other have diverged. But I’m not so far gone as to feel disgusted by your presence. That’s also a fact.”
I had decided to make a break tonight, but I couldn’t articulate my feelings properly.
“So what if that’s the case?”
“Maybe I’m oversimplifying. But I still want to rekindle our relationship. What about you?”
“I want to, too. But I’m scared… scared of failing again if we get back together.”
We both shared the desire to restart our romance and the inability to commit to the past. This brought me a bit of solace.
I shouldn’t deny it; this is something I must acknowledge. I can avoid what I can, but I must face what cannot be escaped.
“I think the same.”
We ended our relationship by our own hands, a fact that can’t be changed.
No matter how much we still like each other, we’ve parted ways. If we return to our relationship on a whim, we will fail again.
If we forget this, it won’t end well.
“I don’t want to be hurt. That’s why I disappeared from your side, to forget my lingering feelings for you, and moved into the shared house. It’s just the rekindling of my lingering feelings for you since we met again. Give me more time, just a bit more, and I should be able to forget my relationship with you. That’s it, I’m done talking! Bye.”
With a saddened expression, Mafuyu abruptly ended the conversation and tried to flee.
There were still unsaid words. I grabbed her hand to stop her from escaping.
“Let go… There’s nothing more to say!”
“No, we’re not done. I still have something important to say.”
“What is it?”
Facing Mafuyu, whose attitude had become stiff, I told her what I hadn’t been able to say properly before.
“Since we’ve failed once, why can’t we find a way to succeed and then get back together? We should be in a position to try that now, living under the same roof.”
Although it’s different from when we were living together in a one-room apartment, we still live under the same roof.
If, like this, in the shared house, Mafuyu and I could live harmoniously and intimately without conflict…
This time, we should be able to make it work.
I’ve been thinking lately about how to get back together with Mafuyu. If we could forget our past rifts and openly reconcile like children, that would be the happiest outcome.
I, neither a child nor fully an adult, have come to this conclusion after much thought.
Constantly pondering how to return to the past with Mafuyu, this is the answer I’ve found.
Is it too late for reflection? No, it’s not. There are plenty of people in this world who have successfully started over after proper reflection.
In that case, we just need to keep finding our way forward. Until we’re at ease, no matter how many times we search.
This way, the anxiety…
There’s no need to return to our previous relationship right now. Sometimes, it might be better to maintain a vague relationship.
“Maybe it’s as Yuji said, there’s no need to return to the past right now…”
“I know I’m oversimplifying it. But after examining my heart, if I can truly feel ready to start over… then let’s date again. No, please date me again.”
All this long-winded talk boils down to just maintaining our “relationship.”
Bracing myself for rejection, I awaited Mafuyu’s response.
What felt like an eternity was only a few seconds.
“…”
“…”
As I swallowed nervously, Mafuyu quietly began to speak.
“Um… let’s start over? Yes, let’s confirm if we can really start over again and then get back together.”
“Really!?”
“I think if we can live together smoothly in the shared house, I can make the decision to take that step again.”
The gloomy cloud on Mafuyu’s face cleared, revealing a bright expression.
I almost gave up on my feelings for Mafuyu. Despite no longer needing to give up, I still felt apprehensive.
“I want to say it again. From now on, please take care of me.”
“Ah, indeed, please take care of me too.”
We reaffirmed our mutual respect for each other. Our synchronous attitude made us both break into a smile.
“I have a suggestion. I want to get along well with Yuji normally. I’ve been thinking, even if not as close as before, I still want to get along well with Yuji like a normal friend. Is that okay?”
“Yes, from now on, we’ll work to see if we can return to being a couple. It would be strange to avoid each other. So, from now on, please treat me as a friend.”
“Alright. Let’s try to live well as friends in the shared house for now. And then, if we can make it work, let’s become a couple again.”
Thus began my and Mafuyu’s journey to “rekindle our romance.”