▣ KO-FI ▣ DISCORD ▣

Chapter 5: Childhood Friends, Following

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“──Let’s meet again.”

Five years ago──the day I moved away from my hometown.

I remember Shinobu’s face when he said that to me.

“We will definitely──meet again.”

I came to say goodbye to Shinobu’s house, crying so hard, feeling like it was the end of my life.

I was about to be separated from Shinobu.

I had to say goodbye to this town.

For a young me, it was a devastating event, and I thought for sure──Shinobu would cry with me. Given how timid Shinobu was, he might even end up crying more than me──.

But then,

“I──will persevere!”

Shinobu gripped my hand tightly and said that.

“Once I’m in high school, I can go to Sapporo too. Then, surely…… I can be with Shizuno again! By that time, I’ll become someone who can fulfill our promise… I can’t yet, but… I will be able to!”

──I was surprised.

I didn’t realize Shinobu was so consciously holding onto our future promise. That he would encourage me like that.

And──his hand was much warmer than mine.

“──Yes!”

So I wiped away my tears and nodded to Shinobu.

“I’ll also persevere! I’ll strive to be worthy of standing next to a grown-up Shinobu!”

And then we parted──with smiling faces.

That day, a distant memory from long ago, marked the start of my real perseverance.

I learned how to live in the city, hoping to live with Shinobu in Tokyo someday.

During that time──I hardly communicated with Shinobu.

I couldn’t afford to be indulgent; otherwise, I wouldn’t become my ideal self.

Until I could live with Shinobu in Tokyo. Until then, I would limit emails and calls, just a bit of self-restraint.

And──once I became a girl suited for the city.

Once I became someone who could fulfill our promise, I would meet him with pride──.

But──,

“It turned out this way, huh…”

Alone in the evening at Sapporo Station, I couldn’t help but smile.

How surprised our past selves would be if they saw us now.

Awkward around each other, yet sharing a bed…

Would they be disappointed? Angry, or perhaps… happy?

My younger self was still a child, maybe not quite understanding the significance of sharing a bed as high school students…

“──Well,”

Taking a deep breath, I started walking again.

“Maybe I’ll go to Ōdōri Park… I used to go there a lot when I first moved, but not much recently…”

──Tonight, I can’t sleep with Shinobu.

“Sorry, something urgent came up. I can’t join you tonight…”

That message from him came around noon, confirming my solitary night.

Well… it’s not like we can sleep together every night. Maybe his family from home is visiting, so I can’t insist.

With this free time──I decided to reflect on the days when Shinobu and I were apart, hence my solo visit to Sapporo Station.

Back then, curious about city life, I wandered around here every weekend. Walking the same route might bring back memories of our promise.

Even if it doesn’t, it’s still enjoyable just to walk around.

With that thought, I entered the underground mall from Sapporo Station, heading towards Ōdōri Park──.

“──But really, I’ve changed a lot.”

Walking down the street, I closely observed my reflection in the glass of the stores along the way.

“When I first came here, I was just a country bumpkin…”

I vaguely remember what I used to wear.

Like, unnecessarily bright-colored trainers and oddly faded jeans.

Even my sneakers were knock-offs of some unknown brand.

Dressed in a way that stood out for all the wrong reasons, that’s how I first walked down this road.

Compared to that time, I think I’ve changed a lot.

Not just in appearance, but inside too.

And surely──Shinobu has changed too.

More than I realize, in many ways──.

What will become of us in the future?

We can’t keep this relationship forever.

Eventually, we’ll have to stop sleeping together, and learn to sleep alone.

When that happens──what will become of our relationship?

Will we be close like before?

Or will we become distant, like we were for a while──.

──While pondering this alone,

“──Hm?”

I suddenly──noticed a familiar shadow in my field of view.

In the underground mall, there’s a popular meeting spot.

A tall boy is sitting on a bench──.

“──Ah, it’s Shinobu.”

──It was Shinobu.

Shinobu was waiting for someone, his gaze fixed on his smartphone.

…Who could he be waiting for? Perhaps family from his hometown?

It might be a special time just for them, so I decided not to call out to him.

As I thought this and was about to slip past him,

“──Sorry Shinobu! I kept you waiting!”

A young woman’s voice reached my ears.

I reflexively looked over.

There she was──,

“No, really, I’m sorry. There was an unavoidable circumstance. Oversleeping being the circumstance.”

“…That’s not unavoidable at all!”

“Sorry, sorryー. I was late coming back from a drinking party last night. Did you wait long?”

“Yeah, about thirty minutes…”

“Wow, really sorry! I usually aim to be just five minutes late…”

“That’s just being late!”

They were conversing amicably, the two of them──.

The woman seemed quite mature.

Long brown hair, tall and slender.

Her face is… pretty. Quite a beauty.

Her clothes are… they seem to be high-end brands. And quite expensive ones at that.

In terms of age, she’s a bit older than us… talking about drinking parties, maybe a university student? Or perhaps already a working adult.

…Who is she?

I don’t recognize her, but who is she…?

There shouldn’t be a woman of that age among Shinobu’s family or relatives.

In fact, as far as I know, Shinobu shouldn’t have such acquaintances at all…

And yet,

“Shall we go then!”

“Yeah.”

They nod to each other and start walking.

Close.

Their proximity to each other is very close.

Almost at a level where their shoulders are touching.

It’s surprising they’re not arm-in-arm or holding hands.

…Thinking about it, the way Shinobu spoke to her was quite casual.

To talk so openly, they must be really close.

…

…

…

…

Who really is she, that woman?

──Before I knew it, I had started following them.

Following them, but keeping just enough distance not to be noticed.

…I’m tailing them.

Yes, that’s what’s happening.

Before I knew it, I was tailing the two of them.

But──I’m just too curious about those two.

Taking such a bold action, my heart begins to race.

But now that it’s come to this, I can’t back down.

I at least want to know who that woman is!

──After a while, the two entered a café along the street.

It seems they plan to have tea there.

Following them into the café, I ordered a drink and casually observed where they sat. Choosing a counter seat, a bit hidden from Shinobu’s view.

“──So, you’re still──”

“Yeah──more than ever──I think.”

They immediately began an intense conversation.

I was curious about the topic, but the café was fairly crowded on the weekend, and the seats were strategically apart, so I couldn’t hear them well.

Pretending to check the menu, I leaned in as much as I could.

If only I could at least understand the atmosphere between them…!

But then,

“…Hm?”

“…!”

──I made a mistake. Our eyes met…!

I leaned too far towards them, making it obvious, and I ended up making direct eye contact with the woman!

In a panic, I shrank back, pretending like nothing happened.

But… no use! The woman was looking at me suspiciously! She must think something’s off…!

I need to do something… fast!

In a fluster, I approached a nearby waiter with no plan in mind.

And then──,

“Excuse me! Th-that…!”

I desperately pointed towards the menu on the blackboard on the wall opposite the woman.

“Uh, that… what kind of cake is written there?”

Good job, me!

That should make it look like I was just trying to see the menu!

But then…,

“Which cake are you referring to?”

The waiter asked me with a friendly smile.

Still flustered, I blurted out──,

“Uh, that… the shortcake! What kind of cake is that!?”

──Oh no, what am I asking!

Who doesn’t know what a shortcake is?

There are more obscure cakes on the menu; I should have asked about one of those!

The waiter, looking a bit puzzled,

“…It’s a sponge cake topped with whipped cream and strawberries…”

“Wow, really! That’s new to me!”

I forced a smile, sweating profusely.

“…Would you like to order it?”

“Yes, please! Thank you!”

“Understood, please wait a moment…”

The waiter, still looking dubious, went back.

But the woman who was watching──,

“What’s going on?”

“No, it’s nothing.”

When Shinobu asked, I waved my hand flippantly and shifted my gaze back to him.

Phew, safe!

It seems I wasn’t suspected of anything…

I might have come off as a bit weird, but that’s better than nothing.

That was close, if Shinobu had noticed me it would have been really awkward…

──Then, as the two continued their conversation and I eavesdropped, my cake arrived.

…Yeah, it looks delicious.

Since it’s here, I should enjoy it.

But just as I thought that──,

“Alright, shall we go?”

“Yeah, we should…”

They agreed and began to leave the café.

“No, wait…!”

I don’t have time to leisurely enjoy my cake!

I hurriedly stuffed the delicious cake into my mouth (it was really tasty… I wanted to savor it…) and followed them out after paying quickly.

──Afterward, the two boarded a bus leaving the center of Sapporo.

Watching from a distance near the bus stop, I hesitated for a moment, thinking about turning back…?

I’ve already done quite a bit of impolite snooping, and going further might be too much even for Shinobu, right? Isn’t this too rude…?

…But.

I’m still curious. I’m curious about what kind of relationship those two have.

And──having come this far, it’s all the same. Resolved, I followed the two onto the bus discreetly.

After a ride lasting several minutes, they got off near a residential area close to Shinobu’s house.

A peaceful and quiet neighborhood, a charming place to live. From the looks of it, Shinobu seemed to be guiding the woman around.

They walked along the street for a while until,

“Here it is.”

“Oh, here…”

For some reason, they stopped in front of a very ordinary, single-occupancy apartment.

“──Wait, you didn’t know?”

“──No, never really had the chance to come here…”

They talked and looked up at the building, but showed no intention of going inside.

Just a visit? It looked like a regular apartment. Why would they come all the way here…?

“──Okay, thanks. Let’s go then.”

“──Yeah.”

After a while, they started walking again.

In the end──they really just looked at the exterior.

What was that all about…?

──But such questions soon dissipated in the surprise of where they headed next.

“──Eh, here…?”

Watching their retreating figures, I stood dumbfounded as Shinobu and the woman entered──

“Why… why here…?”

──A supermarket.

Just a short walk from the earlier apartment.

Near Shinobu’s house──a supermarket.

…Why?

What business could a man and woman have here together…?

…Well, I have gone to the supermarket with Shinobu before.

Just before we started sleeping together, we went to buy drinks.

It was a strange feeling, and I remember it was a bit fun talking about our preferences in snacks and juices.

But… with that woman?

Really, what is their relationship…?

──I hesitated again, strongly.

I felt that if I kept following them, something irrevocable might happen.

I might learn something I didn’t want to know, a vague but definite anxiety that once crossed, there’s no going back.

…But,

“…!”

I hurried after them once more.

Somehow it was frightening, and yet… I couldn’t look away.

──Chicken, bamboo shoots, eggplant.

Coconut milk, fish sauce, and foreign curry paste.

That’s what the woman put into the basket Shinobu was holding.

Honestly, I had a little hope.

Maybe they just came to buy tea.

They were thirsty, and instead of a convenience store, they thought a supermarket would be cheaper.

──Wrong.

It was clear that wasn’t the case.

They were planning to cook. And the ingredients they gathered──it’s Green Curry.

…Shinobu’s favorite.

A slightly ethnic, spicy curry that Shinobu loved since he was a kid.

I remember being treated to it at his house when we were in elementary school.

…And judging by how the woman was leading, could it be… she’s going to cook?

Not just accompanying Shinobu for groceries, but she’s going to cook after this…?

──My heart was pounding unusually fast.

Even though it’s still cool enough in Sapporo to need a jacket this season──I was sweating all over.

They left the supermarket side by side, as if naturally heading to Shinobu’s house.

The time was──already past 6 PM.

After a while, walking close together, they reached his apartment. They entered, disappearing behind the door of Shinobu’s room.

Watching them go, I stood there, exhausted.

…I see.

Yes. I see. That’s how it is.

──I understood it all at once.

What kind of relationship those two had.

What that woman meant to Shinobu──.

…Well, of course.

It couldn’t be anything else…

…But just to be sure.

I took out my smartphone and called my mother, who was away on business.

After a few rings, the call connected.

“…Hello, Mom?”

“Ah, yes… Shizuno, what’s up? Did something happen…?”

My mother’s voice came through the phone, sounding a bit tense.

You don’t need to sound so worried just because it’s your daughter… but well, it can’t be helped.

Right now, Mom and I are in a bit of a difficult situation.

Still, there’s something I need to confirm.

“I wanted to ask you something.”

“Yes…?”

“The Ōtaki family, they’re our neighbors, right? Shinobu-kun, who became my classmate again this spring…”

“Oh, yes… What about them?”

“Were there any women a bit older than us in their family or relatives? Like, someone we might not know about?”

“…Well, let me think…”

There’s a moment of pondering.

Then, after a couple of breaths,

“…As far as I remember, both his parents were only children, so I don’t think so…”

“Did Shinobu-kun have any female friends who are a little older than him?”

“That, at least, I don’t know of…”

“…I see, thank you.”

“What’s going on? Did something happen…?”

“No, it’s fine. Bye for now…”

With that, I hung up without waiting for a response.

…

…Yeah.

Taking a deep breath──I became certain.

That woman… she’s his girlfriend.

That woman must be Shinobu’s lover.

They’re in a relationship, she’s his girlfriend──.

Because it can’t be anything else.

Nothing else explains it──.

Spending a holiday together like this, spending time like a date.

Throughout, they were always close, looking genuinely intimate.

And then, grocery shopping together and cooking at home.

This can’t be anything but a romantic relationship──.

That would explain many things.

Like the apartment they were looking at.

Maybe that was… house hunting?

Talking about living together someday and checking out potential apartments…?

And then… about the sleeping arrangements.

Shinobu told me today that we couldn’t sleep together.

If she’s his girlfriend, it makes sense.

It’s almost 7 PM now. Probably, his girlfriend will stay over.

Shinobu will sleep with her, not with someone like me──a childhood friend who doesn’t really get along with him. Not with a former childhood friend who reluctantly shares a bed, but rather sleeps happily with his lover──.

“…I see.”

The breath I let out felt strangely warm.

“So that’s it, Shinobu…”

…Well, it’s possible.

We’ve been apart for five years.

In that time, it’s not strange for Shinobu to have had romantic experiences, and in fact, it would be odd if nothing had happened.

But──if that’s the case.

I had no idea, but if he has a specific romantic partner──then what I should do is clear.

I took a deep breath and exhaled.

My lips felt like they were trembling, but that didn’t matter.

…My head feels blank?

…My eyes are stinging?

…My chest hurts and it’s hard to breathe?

…Something is trickling down my cheeks?

Well then──what does it matter?

I’m just doing what I should do.

In fact, regardless of whether he has a girlfriend or not, maybe I should have done this sooner.

Taking another deep breath, I turned around sharply──heading back to my house.

I started walking down the road I’d often taken by taxi when we slept together.

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──On Monday, the start of a new week.

I was called by Shizuno after school to talk.

What could it be, so formally now?

We were supposed to sleep together at my house later today; she could have just talked to me then.

Sitting on a bench in the park near the school where I was called to, I thought… maybe it’s good to have this kind of opportunity.

Up to now, we’d been sleeping together rather spontaneously.

We were together out of necessity, needing each other’s presence, so we hardly ever met or talked outside of sleeping together.

So──talking with Shizuno in the park during the daytime was something I was looking forward to.

I hummed a little tune while waiting for her to arrive.

Then,

“──Sorry to keep you waiting.”

Shizuno arrived at the park at the appointed time.

“I got held up talking to a teacher.”

“No worries, I haven’t been waiting long. It’s just the right time.”

“…Really?”

“…So, what’s up? What did you want to talk about?”

──Will she sit next to me?

Thinking that, I shifted a bit to the edge of the bench.

But Shizuno stood in front of me.

“…You see”

After a moment’s pause, she said in her usual tone.

“──Let’s stop sleeping together.”

“…Huh?”

“Let’s end this arrangement of sleeping together.”

Her words──didn’t quite sink in.

Caught completely off guard by her unexpected statement, I asked back in a dazed voice.

“Stop… what do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said. We’ve been sleeping together every night, right? Let’s stop that and sleep separately from now on.”

Shizuno’s face was calm as she said this.

A faint smile even appeared on her cheeks──,

“Ah, ah… I see.”

Somehow, I got the gist of her message.

“Maybe, Shizuno… can you sleep alone now?”

──That must be it.

It’s been almost a month since we started sleeping together.

Maybe in that time, the cause of her insomnia was resolved, and Shizuno can now sleep soundly alone──.

“That’s great! I was worried about how things would turn out, but if it’s resolved, that’s really good…”

“No, it’s not like that.”

“…Then why?”

──I started to feel uneasy.

A subtle discomfort was creeping into the space between us.

And then──I realized.

Shizuno’s smiling expression.

Beneath that thin veneer──strong emotions were simmering.

Whether it was agitation, anxiety, or sadness… it was transparent.

Yet,

“I just thought it’s not really good, you know?”

With a light tone, but clearly putting on a brave face, Shizuno continued.

“We’re both fifteen now. It’s a bit problematic for a boy and girl to sleep together every day, don’t you think?”

“…Yeah, that’s true.”

It’s a bit late for that realization.

We started sleeping together considering that, driven by necessity.

And thanks to that──we were able to escape from the torment of sleep deprivation.

…Right, I need to admit it.

Thanks to sleeping together, we were able to maintain our strained relationship.

──If we hadn’t started sleeping together.

If we hadn’t become close enough to sleep together every night after the argument at the entrance ceremony──.

Without a doubt, we would have drifted apart again.

Even being in the same class, we would have passed our days without talking, never closing the distance between us──at worst, three years might have passed, and we could have gone our separate ways after graduation.

The reason that didn’t happen was──because of sleeping together.

We had to stay close due to an unavoidable reason.

──What will happen now that it’s gone?

I don’t know, I really don’t, but… I honestly felt anxious.

Is it okay to just end it like this?

Can we just stop sleeping together without understanding the circumstances or the reasons…?

But,

“That’s all then.”

Shizuno said that, with a smile on her face.

This time it was a forced smile, clearly a show of bravado.

“Thanks for everything, it really helped.”

“Wait, hold on a second!”

I stood up from the bench in a panic.

It just didn’t make sense to be told something like that all of a sudden.

“There must be… some reason, right? If there is, please tell me! Maybe we can find a solution…”

“It’s not like that.”

But Shizuno replied in a very matter-of-fact tone.

“It’s just that, really, it’s not good to continue any longer. Ideally, we wouldn’t have to do something like this in the first place, so let’s just stop.”

“That’s… I can’t accept that.”

I still couldn’t accept it.

Surely──that wasn’t the only reason.

Something must have happened to Shizuno, something that changed her mind and made her say this──.

──I feel I need to stop her.

I need to stop Shizuno, to hear the reason for saying this, to talk it out until I understand.

But──,

“…!”

I just couldn’t make myself move.

──Despite trying so hard to be strong.

──Despite wanting to be strong enough to manage a farm with Shizuno.

At this critical moment──I couldn’t cling to her.

“Damn…!”

I vaguely knew the reason.

There was a sense of guilt somewhere within me.

I was happy that I could sleep together with Shizuno.

Although it was due to insomnia, I could be close to Shizuno.

I could sleep beside her like in the old times.

But that happiness was──entirely too convenient for me.

That’s why──I couldn’t stop her.

“…Then, goodbye.”

With a slight tilt of her head, Shizuno said.

And then,

“From now on──you need to take good care of someone important, okay?”

Adding just that, she left the park──.

“…Important person?”

I didn’t understand the meaning of her words.

And──watching Shizuno’s retreating back, I was reminded of the day we parted.

I just stood there, unable to do anything at all.